I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
barbara walters just said penis...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
