My sheets look like a crime scene.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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