it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
