took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
