my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
