You're my little dorito
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
