please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
