Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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