I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she smelled like a LAN party
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
