ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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