I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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