She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
birth control should be required to get into college
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
