A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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