Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
