Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
