omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
