Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
