love makes seman taste better
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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