You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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