Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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