I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
