I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize