my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
