Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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