Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
