he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize