I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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