My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
