If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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