i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
