Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
