Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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