So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
