i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
