I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
