you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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