I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
