sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize