what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
