HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
