I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
