why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize