I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
