thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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