If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
