i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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