Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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