Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
