So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
