i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
