this beer tastes like vomit already
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
