I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
