Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
