In the future we'll all be gay
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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