And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
