I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
