the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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