mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
