Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
