But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
