Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
