I wanna passion pit in your ass
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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