i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
