Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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