meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
