I look better un-naked...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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