you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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