You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize