You're so nebulous sometimes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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