PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
