I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
