The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
